Twins?

What do George W and I have in common? NOTHING! Certainly not having twins in the family. Today it was officially confirmed that there is only 1 little 3 cm fetus hanging out in my backward leaning uterus. And not only is it judgmental to label a uterus "backward" it also sucks because it means that it's harder to find that damned 3 cm blob and hear it's heartbeat! A regular ultrasound wasn't cuttin it so she had to insert the freakin ultrasound and was shocked that I found it uncomfortable. But we did eventually locate that big old head and funny looking ligaments, little legs and arms, and we heard the heartbeat again which has gone down to 145, (my theory is that I hadn't had coffee yet).

I didn't have much of a reaction seeing it on the screen, I thought I would feel more. I didn't sleep much last night and don't generally like being poked around so I'm sure that was part of it. It certainly doesn't resemble a human yet, as Mr. T said a photo that only a parent could love. I told Mr. T on our ride over that we would find out for sure today if we are having twins or not. The thought of twins had NEVER crossed his mind, but terrified him for our whole ride over, so the relief at seeing only one little head on the monitor was true relief and so intense that it made me laugh and that made the picture blurry and the woman scolded me.

After killing a few hours I went to appointment number 2 with the endocronoligist, Ms. Olga. Made a blunder and asked Olga when she was due and she told me her baby was 3 weeks old, that it was just fat, oops! Our healthcare system is so fucked up that even doctors don't get adequate maternity leave, I couldn't believe she was back at work with a 3 week old baby! I had to wait for a full hour to see Olga for about 9 minutes. She didn't think my thyroid levels looked alarmingly low and said that during the first trimester with all the estrogen cursing through my veins the thyroid levels sometimes get a little funky but that it really doesn't mean anything. She drew blood and said I'd get the results in a week, but that it was probably fine. That was a huge relief, she said she didn't feel anything unusual about my thyroid either. So hopefully the midwife just misinterpreted the bloodwork. . .

Speaking of this mid-wife she did not explain to me that she was doing a series of tests for downs and other diseases today. These tests are optional but she gave me no option she simply scheduled them which really pissed me off.

I've been thinking about the term unemployed. I don't like being defined by what I'm not, in the negative. It's crappy to think of yourself in the negative there are enough negative thoughts running through my mind all day without having to put that big label on myself. Why do we always have to define ourselves by what we do, or what we aspire to do, why not just who we are.

I am working on some new terminology to define my current state, but have not come up with a suitable term yet. . .