Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I have no idea what this means

Shower Door Mechanic
Date: 2009-10-28, 11:05AM EDT
Reply to: joe@triviewshowerdoor.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

Mature responsible individual with experience ONLY
Full Time TOP PAY$$$$$$
Please reply to joe@triviewshowerdoor.com or Fax resume to (516) 338-4173,
Contact Joe at (516) 338-4170 or (516) 315-3647


* Compensation: TOP PAY$$$$$$

Top pay to fix shower doors, what??? What about curtains do you get top dollar for them too? It's been rainy and cold for 2 days now and I haven't left the apartment yet today - never ever ever a good thing for my mental health. Maybe I should start fixing shower doors around town.

I am feeling pretty useless and sluggish.
I read Jonathan Safraen Foer's piece about vegetarianism in the NY Times magazine from a couple weeks ago. He talks about how having kids made him confront his own hypocricy:
"The shame of parenthood - which is a good shame - is that we want our children to be more whole than we are, to have satisfactory answers. My children not only inspired me to reconsider what kind of eating animal I would be, but also shamed me into reconsideration. And then, one day, they will choose for themselves. I don't know what my reaction will be if they decide to eat meat. (I don't know what my reaction will be if they decide to renounce their Judaism, root for the Red Sox or register Republican.) I'm not as worried about what they will choose as much as my ability to make them conscious of the choices before them. I wont measure my success as a parent by whether my children share my values, but by whether they act according to their own."

This feels like an important reminder to me. I constantly find myself thinking, what if my kid doesn't like spicy food? What if they are interested in something totally boring like fire trucks? What if I can't relate. I want to try hard to keep the idea in my head that as long as they believe in something and can articulate and defend it then it's something.

I was joking with a friend that this baby is the most conservative creature ever because it waited until we were legally married and until at least one of us was gainfully employed and with insurance to show up on the scene. But what if it's not a joke what if this baby really does have a conservative traditionalist bent? the thought terrifies me!

I am feeling very pessimistic at the prospect of finding a job before I start showing and it becomes too complicated. I need some focus for these next few months. . . I feel like a broken record.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Computers

My workhorse of a computer has been rebelling and is now at the doctor. The thought of losing her is very very distressing. The worst part about it is that I have a beloved and pirated version of final cut pro that could not be replaced if I had to get a new hard drive. Every time i turn around or stop using the poor thing for a few minutes she shuts down. It will be a few days before I hear anything.

On friday a job I had applied to 6 weeks ago and was really excited about and feel uniquely qualified for was reposted on Idealist. It feels like a real blow when that happens. I decided to resend my application in the off chance that they had failed to read it the first time around. My brother told me that when he was working somewhere he posted a job then got busy with other stuff and a month later instead of going through all those old emails he decided to repost the position and start from scratch. Lazy employers have no idea how much unnecessary stress and emotional turmoil they cause us unemployed Joes!

In the last few months I have gotten various mass emails from friends and acquaintances soliciting my help in their jobsearch. It always makes me laugh, as if I can help any one! But I know they are being good unemployed boys and girls and doing the networking steps but I don't really know what I would be networking for, which makes the unpleasant task that much less manageable!

I feel like I get out of breath way faster than I used to, a simple hill and I am panting, it's troubling.

We have an election coming up here in NYC today I saw job postings from both candidates. I wish I liked or could even tolerate either of them to be able to work for them because it would be a good way to make a few bucks.

Here's a sampling of their job offers!

WANT A REAL MAYOR? – Campaign positions
Date: 2009-10-26, 4:16PM EDT
Reply to: job-y3g9g-1438723128@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Wanted: Concerned citizens who do not want to see Michael Bloomberg re-elected.

Its time to elect a REAL Mayor, not hand it over to someone who wants to buy it.
The current Mayor decided eight years was not enough time to make sure the city was unaffordable to all but the wealthiest New Yorkers. Now he wants four more years.

We need someone who will grow the economy, expand access to affordable housing, and address the challenges in our education system.

Responsibilities:
Direct voter contact, id, & education

Requirements:
• Strong communication skills
• Confident
• Energetic
• Interest in campaign work and the democratic process

Some college strongly preferred

Please send your resume and a brief description of why you are interested in working on the campaign:


HIRING IMMEDIATELY FROM NOW UNTIL ELECTION DAY TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3RD.

FT/PT/Temp work, flexible schedule.

Bilingual a bonus, EOE

Contact us TODAY:
Email (preferable): work4thompson@gmail.com

Phone: 212.608.6555 x142


www.thompson2009.com


Campaign Positions Available (NYC)
Date: 2009-10-25, 6:41PM EDT
Reply to: resumes@mikebloomberg2009.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

Bloomberg for Mayor 2009 is seeking individuals to take an active role in supporting the Mayor’s re-election campaign during an important time for New York City.

Individuals will have one-on-one contact with voters on a daily basis. They will learn about neighborhood issues and campaign strategy.

Interested applicants should be well-spoken, persuasive, confident, and hard working. Bi-lingual applicants preferred but not mandatory.

Applicants should be available to work afternoons and evenings and weekends.

We are looking to fill paid hourly positions starting immediately with food provided.

If you are interested, please email a resume to resumes@mikebloomberg2009.com.

I'm planning on voting for Reverend Billy, founder of the Church of Life After Shopping. I may volunteer for them but they obviously have no $$

Friday, October 23, 2009

What is a day off when you are unemployed?

Yesterday was 75 degrees! An amazing number for late October. I decided to declare it a "personal" day and spent the day biking around Manhattan and hanging out in Central Park. I know it's odd to have days off when you are not working but it really did feel like a day off. I didn't dwell on job stuff or lack their off or on pre-natal stuff or on anything really besides the colors of the trees and soaking in vitamin D.

Today is back to normal with gray skies and the temperature dropping by the hour getting to 50 by the end of the day, and I am back at my computer trying to figure out what is wrong with me.

Right now Mr. T is finally earning enough money to support both of us. In many ways it doesn't make sense to take on a full time job right now because I will obviously want at least 3 months off, so the logical thing would be for me to start volunteering somewhere. But I can't seem to make myself do that. I know I need to put ego aside and take the plunge but it's so humiliating to put myself out there as free labor to a group that I know I am qualified to work for. Last year I sucked it up and applied for an unpaid internship at an org. I like. The woman called me in for an interview and then started almost yelling at me asking what my problem is with all my experience why don't I get a real job?

I worked unpaid for these women on and off for 6 months last year and it ended horrifically. I think I am still in shell shock from all these experiences. I am so stuck.

On a different note along with random jobs I am now searching for apartments on Craigs list, it would be nice to live somewhere where we can get a dog and where we might feel like we are in a vibrant city as opposed to a bizarre sub-universe. So yesterday evening I went to look at a place. The 2 front doors were unlocked, the elevator smelled even worse than ours! We got upstairs and there were strange sounds coming out of the empty and hastily remodeled apartment. We took a careful step inside to see a pigeon stuck in the kitchen desperately trying to get out the partially opened window. He kept banging his head and fluttering his wings. It's not often that I am overcome with sympathy for a flying rat, but his situation was sad. The kitchen was really small and the bird very frustrated so I didn't feel like I could go in and open the window further for him. I wonder how long the poor guy had been in there.

Last year I read The Year of Living Biblically, where A J Jacobs attempted to follow everyone of the 613 biblical commandments. There are a bunch of commandments relating to slavery so he decided that the best way to fulfill those requirements was to get an intern or a modern day slave. In Jacob's vein I bring you todays craigslist posting:

freelance designer looking for "creative" doctor (brooklyn)
Date: 2009-10-22, 2:42PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-rtgva-1433035600@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I'm horribly sick and it sucks. I don't have a regular paycheck yet alone health insurance because all of you people insist I work for free, so I can't offer any money. But it will be great exposure for a doctor (you might get sick!)... you will be given credit on my website and with my friends for prescribing me drugs, and it could potentially lead to some paying work in the future. Sound good?

* Location: brooklyn
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: would you ask a doctor to work for free? no? THEN WHY SHOULD I?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Feeling drained

What does it mean when you wake up after 8 hours of sleep and you feel completely exhausted? I had a dream that someone left a paper bag with $3 million in it for me at a diner and then I had to chase this creep all over Central Park to try to get it back.

Yesterday we had a 20 minute consultation with a new midwife. She has been practicing for years and is very no nonsense, Mr. T liked her a lot, I felt intimidated by her. But she looked us in the eye and fit us in to her busy schedule and gave undivided attention for those 20 minutes, which Mr. T says are all really good signs. When she realized that I was at 10 weeks she asked if we'd heard the heartbeat yet, we said no. She asked her waiting patient if she could wait just a little longer and we moved to a room with a fetal heart device. She couldn't find the heart beat which she made us both repeat means nothing! But it was disappointing.

I managed to send out 2 resumes in a 20 minute period yesterday both for well paying temporary positions that I feel completely qualified for, both would be perfect but I'm not crossing my fingers.

I decided to make an appointment with yesterday's person and not think about this stuff for a while, it's too draining. I still think I might be more inclined to do a home birth but I'm gonna put it on hold for a while. This is just the beginning of endless decisions we will have to make, or so I'm told. Being a parent in our fear mongering culture has everyone on high alert and completely convinced that every decision they make can mean total destruction for the child.

I have been scouring Craigslist for something juicy. The best I can come up with is something offensive and odd:

Little people needed for month of November (Manhattan)

Date: 2009-10-20, 9:56AM EDT
Reply to: job-2hjrk-1429490770@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Little person or people needed to work as gallery assistant for a one month long gallery show in Manhattan, which will be simultaneously filmed as a pilot for a new reality tv show showcasing the art world. Work would be part time through the month of November, 20-30 hours at 500 a week. Please contact as soon as possible.

Monday, October 19, 2009

finding a practioner sucks

I made an appointment 5 weeks ago at a place called Clementine midwiferey. They have offices in Park slope and are affiliated with St. Vincents hospital in Manhattan. A friend of a friend who is a doula and has researched the shit out of this stuff said they were her top recommendation for a midwife in all of New York. And they were in my network so I tought everything would be great. Thursday afternoon at 4 PM I get an email from them that they don't have any more openings for May deliveries and would be cancelling my Monday appointment. I was in shock that they would cancel 2 days before when I had made the appointment so many weeks earlier, you would think if they didn't have room they could have noticed earlier! I asked the charming office manager if I could come in for a first appointment since it was such short notice and then have more time to find someone else to work with. She said NO!

Turns out union insurance is not the most progressive in the world. There's no paternity leave and only a very limited and rather odd bunch of midwives are considered in-network. I went against my better judgement and made an appointment with a midwife who is connected to St. Vincents hospital and does not have a single review on-line. Apparently she's been working for 23 years and there is literally not a review of her anywhere. She was so much worse than I ever imagianed she would be. The office is located on the 9th floor of the spellman ward in the hospital, the creaky elevator barely made it up that high. We walk in and they start throwing documents at us to fill out. I asked if I could use the bathroom and they threw a cup for a urine sample in my hands and declared that my husband could start on the paper work. It shocked me that in NYC in 2009 anyone would make the assumption that he was my husband. The waiting room was freezing. I asked for water because I was thirsty after the ride over, they told me they didn't have water. The examining room was like an icebox. And the midwife finally came in and immediately started going over my medical history then asked if I had any questions. I said no. She said no questions? And Mr. T said do you mean questions about our medical history? And she said no questions about anything.

It went downhill from there. I could not have connected less with this woman. Turns out there are 2 midwives and 3 doctors in her practice and any one of them can be there for labor. I asked if I could meet the others and she said if that mattered to me she could arrange it. Then she started listing all the diseases that she would recommend testing for immediately and started advertising some new and expensive procedure where you save your placenta in a cord bank. She suggested that I take the survey even if i am not interested because I would get a $50 gift card. That's when we decided to leave her office before she tried to touch me or things got any worse.

We walked out to the freezing cold NY morning and i started to cry. Mr. T went to work but agreed to revisit the idea of doing a home birth. Home births seem to be quite trendy in Brooklyn these days. I was scared by the idea because the hospital closest to our apartment is not supposed to be very good but after today's experience it is looking more and more appealing.

I have another consultation with someone also connected to St. Vincents but who has her own office in Manhattan, tomorrow. I also made an appointment to visit the Brooklyn birthing center.

How do people with jobs have time to deal with all this crap? It's such a headache, so stressful and time consuming and I have time to put in to it!

After the appointment i had to take a long walk to decompress and talked to my mom about her births, they were all natural and without any complications. She also confessed that she didn't see a doctor when she was pregnant with my brother until she was 6 months pregnant! Ahh the 70's.

Needless to say I haven't had much time to look for jobs today so no cute Craigslist postings on this 19th of OCtober. . .

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hungry Hungry hippo

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to pee. Nothing new there it's been a long time since I haven't peed at least once in the middle of the night. But I was starving, out of control starving. I lay in bed and my stomach was grumbling. Finally Mr. T brought me a candy and some water. He decided that it was a great time to be awake and start writing as he laughed about the foreign idea of waking up every two hours.

It's in the 40's and profoundly gray outside and has just started raining. I made a potato spinach dish for breakfast and am already hungry again, really hungry. IT's Out of Control! I got freaked out last night that I was going to get gestational diabetes because I've been eating so much sugar but luckily that doesn't kick in till week 28! I've been eating a lot of sugar compared to my normal life but I don't know if objectively speaking it qualifies as an insane amount of sugar.

I have yet to send a resume out this week. There's just nothing out there! It's so discouraging. It makes me feel trapped.

At our wedding in August two of Mr. T's good friends got up and told the embarrassing story of the night we met. One of them said that Mr. T has always been attracted to women who look like men, short hair etc. women who you have to glance twice to make sure it's really a girl, as he said. Then the other jumped in and corrected that there was never a doubt about my gender on that first drunken night but he did like my buzz cut.

Anyway this job posting feels oddly appropriate:

Looking for Lesbian to pose nude.
Date: 2009-10-15, 4:10AM EDT
Reply to: gigs-amkek-1422227061@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for butch lesbians who might look like a guy in close, but out of close, she is all woman. This is a private project, and it is Art. This project is for Butch lesbians who are proud of their womanly shape despite their tom boy appearance. The shoot will be TFP and yes you can bring an escort or who ever. Please contact me if you are interested in the shoot.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

being upside down is good

Am feeling pretty blaa this morning, maybe I should do this!

Editor/Proofreader Wanted
Date: 2009-10-14, 10:17AM EDT
Reply to: job-95qqs-1420864569@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for an editor willing to work for trade of aerial lessons (aerial tissu, static trapeze, lyra).
Sitting in a chair all day long is bad for the body and the spirit! Being upside down is a great way to cleanse your "reality" palate.
Please email resume and short paragraph about yourself.

I can't seem to drink coffee without running to the bathroom but I also can't make it through a morning without coffee, how do people do it? A friend of mine made it through college, and graduate school without a sip of coffee. She has bad insomnia and was convinced that even a morning cup would keep her up at night. Now at the age of 29 forever and a few years she has suddenly discovered the wonders of coffee and is a serious junkie convert. She has no idea how she survived the last 30 odd years of life and school. She criticizes certain coffee and pops sleeping pills at night. Watching her drink and drool over coffee was as shocking as if she had been shooting heroin in front of me! I know it's really bad to have too much caffeine when you're pregnant though I haven't read anything that completely convinces me that it's bad. . . most of the coffee I drink seems to be shooting right through me which is good because I am also finding myself supplementing my beer cravings with chocolate. I never tried a peanutbutter twix till last week, I can't believe I went so long without that in my life!

How I'm keeping busy this week:

1. I got hired in June to write the annual report for an org. I used to work for. It was supposed to be a summer project. It's now mid-October and the freakin thing is not done yet!

2. A friend and I started a CSA in our neighborhood last year. This week has been devoted to trying to find a replacement team to take over major responsibilities for next year. So far not many people are responding.

3. Organizing Mr T.'s February book tour, trying to find independent bookstores in the bookstore abyss that is most of this country.

4. Scanning Idealist and Craigslist for something that will give me structure and money for the next few months.

5. Coming up with recipes for the mother cabbage we have in our fridge from the CSA this week.

It's in the 40's right now and getting dark by 6:15. Winter is looming.